How Church Ministries Destroy Families 4: Titus

I had some opportunities a few years ago to do quite a bit of teaching from the Bible.

Perhaps I learned more than the congregation.

Teaching through that wonderful little letter to Titus was, for me, breath-taking, jaw dropping, paradigm shifting. How can Paul say so much in so few words? I will not reproduce my notes from that time, but I will go through what Paul doesn't say to Titus. This is what taught me so much!

What the letter to Titus does not say:

- Pick the most charismatic (in any sense of the word) or the most skilled or the most talented and clever or most pushy men, or some yes-men to be elders
- Forget the old folks. Concentrate on the Youth. They're the future of the church!
- Emphasise bringing your unsaved friends to church
- Spend lots of time trying to debate, satisfy or win over difficult people who don't like the way you do things.
- At all costs avoid conflict. Go for the quiet life. Just let trouble-makers have their say. Maybe they'll calm down if you're nice.
- The world is watching your church closely to see if it is relevant, entertaining, trendy and comfortable. They're not that bothered about your morality or integrity.
- You need to set up lots of ministries to the community. Get your people into social action!
- Entertain that congregation, preacher! Keep clear of difficult issues and don't challenge or correct people too much. You might put them off!
- Escape those oppressive shackles of home life girls! Get out of that home and get a job!

Anyway, I'm sure you get my drift. Looking at Titus made me think we do too many complicated things, but overlook the important things, like choosing Elders of good character, making sure the older folks are setting a good example to the youngsters and keeping our homes in good order.

I would encourage any church to put a month aside and go through Titus, an overlooked jewel.  And put its lessons into practice.

How Church Ministries Destroy Families 2: Big Church, 130 Ministries

A large church which I won't name held a conference for other churches, large and small.

They had some kind of a parade during this conference in which all the groups in the church which ran a ministry or programme walked across the stage, sometimes in fancy dress and someone said what they did, or a video clip was shown explaining what their ministry was. The church had about 130 'ministries' to groups within their church or city.

It was very impressive. I noticed however that there was nothing specifically aimed at the elderly (surely one of the most marginalised and despised groups in our society) or at Muslims (which made up about 1/3rd of this city's population), which I thought was a glaring omission.

The parade ended with a firework display outside, on the 'campus' of their big church.

I felt uneasy and I couldn't think why. Was I jealous? Joyless? Why wasn't I shouting Hallelujah?

Well, one thing was this. In Matthew 6:3 it says:

When you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honoured by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full.

So what is lesson 2? Nothing clear, apart from the fact that churches can be very proud of their good works and flagship 'ministries' and we need to be careful.

How Church Ministries Destroy Families 1: The Drop in Centre

It's the mid 1980s. I'm a new Christian.

A lovely Christian lady, Sally* is a pillar of our church, St James*, which is on a busy shopping street. She runs a drop in centre through the week and some evenings. She spends lots of time counseling those who pop in for a coffee. Her son is in my class at school. The drop in centre was a great outreach and lots of prayer requests filtered down from Sally.

I was mentored at the time by a marvellous old lady called Harriet. Ex-missionary, intercessor, warrior for Christ... and the church warden at St James. Also, she didn't suffer fools gladly. She was the one that told me. Sally's husband Ted, who had been faithfully by her side at church for many years had decided he'd met the woman off his dreams. He was having an extra marital affair. Their marriage was over.

I will never forget Harriet's comments. She was highly critical of the church leadership for allowing this situation to develop. Ted would regularly come home to a son but no wife – she was too busy working at the drop in centre. She should have been there for him! But the church wanted her for their valued ministry.

I'm sure there was more to it than that. But I'd learned an important lesson. Churches should not be 'flogging their members to death', bleeding them dry when they have families to support, husbands, wives, children etc. Something is seriously wrong when church ministry causes marriages to break up.


*All names have been changed.