I need to follow up the previous post with another one to
prevent a fatal misunderstanding that some people have.
Karl had a gambling problem.
He nearly ruined himself, his marriage and his family through it. He has confessed it. God has forgiven him. He is now doing fine. He has a good job. His wife and kids have forgiven him. He has forgiven himself as well and he
doesn’t wallow in shame over it.
But he realises he still has a weakness in this area. So they have blocked the gambling sites on
the internet. He has stopped meeting his
gambling friends at the pub and avoids the betting shop. His friend checks him out every few weeks by
asking him to tell him honestly how he is doing with the gambling.
In other words, he has forgiven himself but he does not
fully trust himself in certain situations.
His wife has forgiven him, but in certain situations she does not trust
him.
Jesus said, “If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it
out and throw it away. For it is better
that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into
hell.” Matthew 5:29
That does not mean there are thousands on one-eyed people
everywhere following Jesus. He is just
saying we may need to take drastic action to keep ourselves right.
What I am saying here is this.
Just because you have forgiven someone, it doesn’t mean you
have to trust them.
In fact, when you forgive a person for a serious wrong they
have done, you may still have to report them to the authorities, such as police
or social workers or medical professionals for their own good and for the good
of society. We need wisdom here of
course and maybe to seek appropriate advice.
Some churches have made the mistake of forgiving a leader
who has fallen into serious sexual sin and putting them back into a situation
where they can be tempted again. Then
the restored leader does the same things again.
The church in this instance has made a very serious mistake and shown a
misunderstanding of what forgiveness is about.
It brings great dishonour to the name of Jesus Christ. Restoring someone can be a slow process of
regaining trust again and putting safeguards in place.
So here is a list.
Forgiving someone does not mean:
- that
what they did was right
- you
should blame yourself instead
- you
can trust them straight away
- you
shouldn’t report them to the authorities
- you
have to be their friend in future
And being forgiven:
- does
not take away my responsibilities
- does
not mean that due processes of justice shouldn’t take place
- does
not mean that I don’t still face the consequences of my actions
- does
not mean I don’t need help to overcome my faults
- does
not mean I don’t try to put myself right with those I have harmed
An abused wife may forgive her husband for being violent
towards her and their children. He may
say sorry, be tearful and full of remorse.
But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t need to acknowledge his need for help,
otherwise the cycle of violence may continue and she may be putting the family
in danger by going back to him. Remorse
and repentance are two different things.
So, to sum up….